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avatar parshuram__ 6 year.agoA young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?" "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come." The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet." "Don't bother, I got expelled." Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?" "Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher." "The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What did Velma from Scooby Doo say when she saw some Chinese people?

Chinkies!

2. What is it called when you insult a cop?

Pig roast

3. What does cinderella say when she gets to the ball?

"choking noises"

4. This one is for the blind

How can you tell that your acne is really getting out of hand? The blind starts reading your face.

5. How do you make a blonde drown?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

6. What do Christopher Reed and tall people bending over have in common?

“Ow, my spine!”

7. You see, I don’t ever want a daughter...

They’ll just hold you down, Look what happened to Kobe

8. Two condoms walk past a gay bar.

One says to the other, let’s go in and get shitfaced.

9. Why did the blonde girl have square boobs?

She forgot to take the tissue out of the box.

10. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

11. An interesting fun fact about Kobe

He was born black Died blacker

12. It's sad to see a bicycle sink into the canal.

Especially when you realise there isn't a cyclist on it.

13. A man goes into a bar where loud music is playing.

He spots a pretty girl at the end of the bar and approaches her. ‘Would you like to dance?’ he asks her. ‘I really don’t like this song,’ she replies, ‘and even if I did I wouldn’t dance with you.’ ‘I don’t think you heard me correctly,’ says the man. ‘I said you look fat in those pants.’

14. What's long, black and smells like shit?

The unemployment line.

15. why am i anti-vax?

because i'm a necrophiliac pedophile.

16. I brought a trampoline and bounced on it

Until it went into labor Edit: Until it had a miscarriage

17. What’s the difference between a cop and a bullet?

After a bullets killed someone it’s been fired

18. I like to give the families of coma victims hope....

By placing a half eaten sandwich in their hand

19. How do you fuck a mermaid?

Coral

20. What do you call

Taking a fat dump in the wheel chair stall? A handi-crap

21. My neighbor was just arrested for murdering a black man.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer

22. Why are most life guards white?

You know crackers float! Edit: any other white people jokes?

23. What do you call a Somalian with a bag of rice?

Set for life.

24. Creation of Woman

After God created Adam, Adam was lonely so he asked God to create a partner for him. Then God told him:"Very well Adam. I will do that but I will need one of your eyes, one of your hands, one of your legs and one of your testicles." Adam said"Oh well, that sounds too much. What can you get out of a rib?"

25. Why don't black kids celebrate Father's Day?

Cos they dad's still haven't returned from the cigarette shop...

26. How do you turn a Tyrone into a Tyrun?

I’m pregnant.

27. People reckon I'm too patronising.

(That means I treat them as if they're stupid.)

28. As a reputated member of the society I have always called out pedophiles and have thrown them out of here for the disgusting thing they like to call a fetish....

And also it's better to have less to no competition where you live

29. God created Eve because Adam was depressed.

Well that makes pussy the original Anti-depressent

30. I like my coffee how I like my coffee

Ground up and in my freezer.

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